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THE LEGEND OF THE LONG LAKE WHITE WHALE

 

Kids, sit down and listen to the story of the Long Lake White Whale...

Captain Barrett was a rabid wakeboarder and new MasterCraft X1 owner. Legend has it ice-cold lake water ran through his veins and he drank hi-octane fuel from the skull of a waterskier.

As soon as the ice started breaking up on the area lakes he started scouting water and charting a course for the the 2007 season opener. Captain Ryan & 1st mateNow, an opener on Memorial Day Weekend is for wussies -- why the water must be 50 or 60 degrees by then! So Captain Barrett and his trusty first mate Mark set out into freshly-thawed waters of Long Lake on March 14th with drysuits and beer, looking for glassy water worthy of his magnificent boat's over-engineered hull.

Soon the thought of Indy Nosebones and Backside Butterslide 180's lured him into dangerous waters. Or maybe it was the beer. I digress. In any event, Captain Barrett and his mighty X1 soon found themselves stuck upon a submerged sandbar!

After desperately trying to free themselves from the sandbar, a distress signal was sent out. Shovels & muscles were no match for mother nature, who cruelly pulled back her waters further & further from the stranded boat. Within days the mighty X1 was completely high & dry. Stranded in the middle of the river on a mucky sand bar as big as a football field and hundreds of feet from any shore, the white craft took on the appearance of a beached whale.

There the X1 lay for 10 agonizing days -- a morbid warning to other boaters not to stray into these waters. Then one rainy morning  a mighty bird flew in from the east and plucked the white whale from the muck! The X1 was saved! A relieved Captain Barrett felt like the weight of two thousand bucks had been lifted off his weary shoulders!

Stripped of her cushions and fuel, her wicked stainless tower bowed in humility, she looked a little wounded but the mighty X1 will shred the silky surfaces of unsuspecting lakes again soon!

Legend has it that on some foggy spring mornings local residents still see the ghost image of the beached white whale.

[ More photos below. Email yours to johnny@jksquared.com!]

[ PHOTO GALLERY -- Click on any photo to see a larger version ]

You can see Captain Barrett's futile attempts at freeing the X1 from her muddy grave.

A weary rescuer replenishes with some Miller Lite (c'mon, it's at least 9am).

Here, you can see how far
from shore she is. It's equally far to the other side.

"My mortal keyboard hands hurt!"

 

"Keep digging fool, we must save her!"

Incoming bird.

 

 

 

 

 

The bird lands near its prey...

...  then takes off...

... with the X1 in its talons!
Mark's video from YouTube. Click the play button to view it here or click here to see it larger on YouTube. Up, up, up, up [gulp], up and away! Coming in for a landing... ... splashdown! The X1 finds water once again!